Amanda and Ashok, I agree with your observations, dear friends – it’s unfortunate that because mediation is deemed by some a “calling” (can you hear a choir of angels sing out that word?), for some folks the very notion that ADR is actually a business besmirches mediation’s purity.

Rick, I am happy to be the id of the mediation profession. Someone’s got to say this stuff out loud; otherwise, we’ll never talk about it with the honesty it deserves. Thanks for letting me know I’m not alone. My roots are in community mediation; it is important and honorable work. I know that they often serve economically fragile neighborhoods, and there is great need for services provided pro bono.

So, Rick, I couldn’t agree more when you say that “free” doesn’t mean “poor quality”. Indeed, I often have wished that community mediation programs would value their services more highly. Last year when the community mediation programs providing services in Massachusetts courts lost their state funding because of court budget cutbacks, instead of going on strike they continued to provide those services for free because they believed it was the noble thing to do. Never mind that they needed that funding to pay much-needed administrators who oversee such programs. I wish they had instead acted in a way that conveyed that they believed in the value of those services – and in a way that would have wised up those in the court who short-sightedly cut that funding. An opportunity to educate those who hold the purse-strings was lost.

I agree that we do need to stop underestimating the work that we do. At Community Mediation, we offer free mediation services and all of our mediators are volunteers. I think people often associate free with sub-par and participants and referrers can sometimes expect a less-than-quality service. I also see some volunteers that don’t put all of their effort into the process because they associate volunteerism with something other than professionalism or expertise. So I definitely agree that there needs to be a shift in public opinion about mediation and I think that it helps to have a stated value of the service, be it a mediation session or a training or presentation. For instance we offer a 50-Full Mediation training that is valued at $799 and we offer the training at no-cost. We do not however offer “free” training.

I think as trainers or facilitators, especially those operating their own private practice, we should feel comfortable with asking for compensation for sharing our training materials. As trainers, we’re providing people with transfomative, life-changing skills, skills people can use for their entire lives. This is a lot more than just magic beans.

It’s great to see Tammy and Vickie responding to this as well. I’ve been enthralled by Cafe Mediate and I feel like I learn so much from all of you.

Over the past thirty years as a designer, teacher, consultant and now facilitator and mediator I have realized that this is the bane of most folks who do communication or ‘brain’ work. Especially those who do this work because they have a ‘calling’ or to ‘help’ people or, god forbid, because they enjoy it. Professional Thinking, Communication or ‘Social Work’ are not, in many societies and cultures, deemed ‘tradeable’ services. Especially if your grandmother or village elder used to do this for free.

There is historical a bias that puts a greater economic value on tangible goods over the ‘soft’ and consultative services. This becomes particularly pronounced when the ‘consultative’ professional is overtly excited about her work and sees her mission as helping to bring about social justice, peace or build community.

The consultants who have saved themselves this predicament are the geniuses at places like McKinsey or Accenture who, even were they to do it, would talk about changing their world only at international conferences within closed doors. In front of clients they talk about productivity, profitability and optimizing returns. Clients, needless to say understand that language and immediately bring out their cheque books. Try asking one of the big consulting company’s for free work or their IP material and watch them bend over with laughter!

In India we face this all the time and I often tell clients or workshop participants, if they push me, that I would be wiling to trade my IP material for some of theirs. If nothing else works I tell them that if their grandmother or paternal uncle does this for free, they really should go to her/him. I then wish them well.

Like you, I have spent countless hours supporting, developing and pioneering. The only people who have done anything with my IP have been the ones who have paid properly for my time. Now, when people ask and I choose to decline, this is how I respond to their surprise: I tell them that I used to share everything until I realised that what was free, sadly, was not appreciated and that was a bad deal for me and as we all know, a bad deal for either side leads inevitably to conflict, so this is part of ‘walking my talk’.

I have learned to do a better deal with people which is better for them and better for me. And for those who have thick skins and don’t hear this the first time, I smile and invite them to send me an email setting out what they need and what the mutual benefits are.

Having said all that, I am lucky to have in my orbit, people who really appreciate what it means to share skills and knowledge, and who are a joy to work with, say thank you often and thoughtfully and with whom I find my “flow”.

A very wise Tai Chi master, Sikung Lowe, told me once: “Never give to someone, something which if you have to take it away will leave them floundering.” Over the years that has come to mean much more than I understood the first time I heard it.

Vickie: You are not alone!

John, it’s always a pleasure to hear from you. And thank you, Lisa, for the suggestion. Value got left on the table in that classroom – a sad loss for everyone. Rest assured that the opinions of colleagues like you hold great value for me.

Ann, should your travels ever bring you this way, you’ll find a warm welcome here in Boston. Nothing would please me more than to meet in person one day – you, too, John and Lisa. Some day soon, hopefully.

I don’t know if I can help you brainstorm the solution to the ADR world, but perhaps something having to do with the individual cases you mention. What if each of those interactions (and future ones to come) could be met with a request to negotiate in the way mediators are so well trained to do?

To the person who asked for your materials in the course, you might be able to ask if they’d be willing to use the training they’ve just received to find a win-win…something like that.

My 2 cents (adjust for inflation)

Lisa