Great article. I find the situation described happens over and over.

Sometimes the question isn’t quite as simple as “why,” but regardless of the actual question, we’re seeking understanding. And, almost always, understanding is dependent on access to relevant information.

It’s not that people intentionally hide information. As you mentioned in your comment to Michael above, I believe we often assume we all have the same knowledge, the same information – so, we assume there’s no need to say some things out loud. When this happens we end up talking in circles – circles that revolve endlessly around what’s not being said.

I was facilitating a collective bargaining agreement negotiation for a non-profit when, after a number of two-hour sessions, I finally asked: “So, could that mean reducing services?”

Immediately, I knew I’d asked “the question.”

This simple – but difficult – question opened the door to a previously undisclosed layer of needs and interests. From this point, we could begin moving forward.

I certainly hadn’t done anything spectacular or clever by any means – I was just being my “relentlessly curious” self.

Thank you for providing such a wonderful forum.

Take care.
Debra

I recognized many disputants in Malhotra’s and Bazerman’s story. It’s an oft-told and familiar tale, I’m afraid. After many years mediating, I continue to be amazed at how often even the most experienced, insightful, and intelligent people have failed to ask the most obvious questions – it’s all too often the reason they end up mired in conflict or why deals fell through. If they’d thought of these questions early on, they wouldn’t need a mediator. Too often people assumed they already knew the answers and therefore neglected to ask the necessary questions – a deeply human and commonly encountered error. How fortunate you must be to work with clients who are dependably rational actors.

From where you and I sit, Michael, the questions may be obvious – but not necessarily to those in the thick of it.

Listening to the Bazerman example with a critical ear, and reviewing the chapter, I hear something false in the Chris story.

Nobody asking for exclusivity wouldn’t ask first whether there were other distributors who were already being supplied. It would be exceedingly odd for the US negotiators not to first ask about who in the US was already being supplied.

In short, I thought this was either a made up example, or a real example too simplified.