If public opinion is anything to go by, conflict resolution is for sissies. If that’s the case, then maybe it’s time to give the public what it really wants: advice on how to escalate conflict.
I therefore offer 5 steps guaranteed to transform any molehill into a mountain:
1. Ignore facts. Disregard or suppress all evidence that undermines your position. In fact, facts can be trouble — they might raise doubt among your supporters, or, even worse, persuade them or even you that your opponent just might have a point. Take precautions by surrounding yourself with servile bootlickers who will tell you only what you want to hear.
2. Make stuff up. If you can’t find facts to support your position, just invent some. Rumor and innuendo are your friends. Remember, appeals to emotion, with no basis in reason, work best.
3. Make assumptions — lots of them. This is important. Assume first that you’re right and they’re wrong. Assume you need no further information (see Step #1 above). In addition, assume you know what they’re thinking. Attribute malicious motives to your opponent especially if there is no evidence to support that assumption. It’s fun to make them have to prove a negative.
4. Exaggerate the harm. Draw false analogies — the more improbable and exaggerated the better. Even if the issue concerns something minor (and admittedly most interpersonal problems are), compare your opponents to Nazis and the impact of their actions on you to the Holocaust. Accuracy isn’t important here — conveying your sense of injustice and wounded pride is the effect you’re going for.
5. Get personal. Attack your opponent’s character or physical appearance, not his or her arguments. Seek out every opportunity to impugn their credibility, their intelligence, their grasp of facts, their patriotism, or all four for extra bonus points. If possible, insult their parents, spouses, children, or pets, along with their social status, religion, and dietary habits.
These proven methods get results with family, co-workers, neighbors, bloggers, political opponents, or anyone you can’t stand. Try them today and you’ll be “getting to no” in no time!
For many mediators in private practice, it’s not delivering services that poses a challenge. It’s managing the business end of things that can be tricky. Here are some links that offer tips that may help:
For general, all-around ideas and support on running a home office, since many solo practitioners do, visit Home Office Warrior, where you can find among other things a Home Office Warrior Blog Carnival, with a list of resources for anyone who works from home, and a look at the “Cell Phone v. Landline” debate for those struggling with selecting a phone service that keeps them connected best with clients.
For those deciding whether to launch a business from home, Dumb Little Man lays out a plan for those who want to work successfully from home.
Although April 15 seems far away, it’s never too early to organize your records for tax time. Web Worker Daily has ideas on “Tracking Business Expenses“, with a link to our friend the IRS for more information. (Hint: save those receipts.)
Mediation Mensch points out the marketing lesson for mediators in a recent BusinessWeek article, “Education-Based Marketing Sells“.
Mediator Tech has advice on expressing end-of-year appreciation to clients and referrers in a way that will make your thanks stand out from the rest.
Finally, for those of you seeking to keep costs down (or just in need of a good laugh), you may want to consider Word Perhect, a free online word processor. (A hat tip to Slaw.)
(Photo credit: Herman Brinkman.)
Conflict and persecution produce tragedy unimaginable to those of us who reside far from lands where gunfire sounds or where human rights are threatened.
