Monthly Archives: August 2007

Trouble in paradise: new ways of managing marital disputes

Trouble in paradiseIt looks like the digital age has spawned a whole new range of problems that can mar marital bliss, according to “‘Til Tech Do Us Part“, a recent article in the Wall Street Journal. Blogging, email, and mix-ups involving Amazon.com accounts are among the perils that lie in wait for newlyweds.

Whether couples are faced with 21st century troubles or more traditional challenges like money or differences in parenting styles, there’s no doubt that marriage is not always a bed of roses–and even if it is, coping with the thorns isn’t easy.

According to this post by Dave Hoffman at Concurring Opinions, one entrepreneur has a novel solution: financial incentive in the form of marriage insurance with “a guaranteed, high return payout for achieving such a milestone as a 25th (Silver) wedding anniversary”.

Meanwhile, in the event that a marriage fails and divorce looms on the horizon, there’s divorce software designed to help couples negotiate the division of the marital estate, as Stephanie West Allen at Idealawg describes. Unfortunately, with the focus of the divorce software on compromise rather than collaboration, couples may miss more creative and mutually profitable ways of dividing assets, according to Stephanie’s analysis. A human actor assisting in the negotiations can stimulate a three-dimensional consideration of all the factors involved.

This means of course that mediators are by no means obsolete. If the question is, “Do you want to work it out?” mediators can still help people get to “I do”.

(Hat tips to Slash Dot for the link on tech troubles for the married, and to Blawg Review for the link to the post on divorce insurance.)

This week's Blawg Review inspires trust in its readers

Blawg Review is A-OKThe tireless editor of Blawg Review, the weekly review of legal blogging, is hosting both Blawg Review #120 and the 3rd Carnival of Trust.

The Carnival of Trust is a monthly blog carnival featuring ten posts related to trust–a subject near and dear to the hearts of lawyers and mediators alike. Among the posts featured in the 3rd Carnival of Trust are “Creating a Foundation of Trust” and the sobering “Workplace Violence: Be Careful Out There“.

You don’t want to miss either of these special editions of Blawg Review–trust me on that.

Let's kill all the lawyers: web-based negotiation platform seeks to revolutionize the creation of contracts

Tractis provides a new web-based platform for contract negotiationNegonation, a Spanish start-up, has launched Tractis, a web-based platform to revolutionize the negotiation, management, and execution of contracts in e-commerce.

But it’s not just about helping business get done. Negonation’s goal for Tractis is far more ambitious:

Our goal is to provide a way to make online borderless justice possible. Yeah, you heard us right. We want to develop a new legal system that overcomes the inefficiencies, complexities, injustices and sluggishness of traditional legal systems. We want justice for, from and by the Internet nation. Tractis is only the beginning.

Tractis is designed to manage what Negonation’s founders call “the whole life cycle of contracts”. Users can select from a library of templates to create a contract, invite others to participate, and develop a single text to produce contracts guaranteed to be legally binding. Prior versions of contracts, comments, and attachments are archived and readily accessible. Negonation plans to add an online dispute resolution mechanism for addressing the inevitable disagreements that can arise from contract negotiations.

You can take an online tour of Tractis to gain a sense of its interface or review its FAQs.

O brave new world…

(Hat tip to Law.com Inside Opinions.)

Mediator nominated for Congressional Order of Merit by National Republican Congressional Committee

Congressional Order of MeritCan you smell the desperation in the air? That’s a sure sign that a major election year is rapidly approaching and at least one political party is getting nervous. Consider the following.

Recently I received a voice mail from the office of U.S. Congressman Tom Cole and the National Republican Congressional Committee. The message informed me that the NRCC wished to “recognize [you] with our highest honor, the Congressional Order of Merit” and asked me to call.

A Congressional Order of Merit? For me? How could I refuse?

The staff person who answered the phone told me that as part of being singled out for this honor, I’d also been invited to serve on a business advisory council, and she asked me to listen first to a recorded message from Congressman Cole before she provided me with further details.

The message was most instructive. I learned that small businesses like mine “are the backbone of our community”. I learned that Democrats think I’m “rich and don’t pay [my] fair share of taxes”, and that I could play an important role in combating their “anti-business agenda”. I also learned that small business owners like me are “the last line of defense against the liberal agenda”. Finally, I learned that Tom Cole and the National Republican Congressional Committee needed my help.

At the end of the message, the staff person asked me if I had any questions. I asked her how much it would cost to take part. She told me that there was no cost–only my participation on the advisory council.

As tempting as the opportunity was, I had to come clean. I confessed that by no stretch of the imagination could I be characterized as a supporter of Republican political causes. I asked how they selected my name in the first place. She sidestepped that last question but hastily reassured me that Democrats and Independents could serve on the council as well.

I regretfully declined the honor.

Which meant, alas, no Congressional Order of Merit for me.

(Just for fun, try googling the phrase “Congressional Order of Merit”. I did. It yielded the news that the NRCC has extended this prestigious-sounding but meaningless honor to numerous others, including a former Democratic congresswoman and National Public Radio science correspondent Ira Flatow. I wait breathlessly to see what honor the Democrats next have planned for me.)

New blog posts notes from the conflict trenches

passiveaggressivenotes.comAs I’ve discussed here before, the conflict-averse among us (which, I suspect, is actually most of us) go to great lengths to avoid confrontation.

But even among those who are willing to tackle conflict, no one seems to want to do it face to face–which may explain the popularity of leaving notes for roommates, co-workers, neighbors, and others which detail grievances and make demands for behavioral change.

A blog, passiveaggressivenotes.com, collects these messages and displays them for the enjoyment of its readers. A fascinating foray into the stuff that drives people nuts and the way they deal with it.

Thank you for reaching out

Thank you for connectingThank you to those of you who either posted comments or emailed me following “Requiem for a friend“, in which I wrote about loss, friendship, and the importance of staying connected with the people who touch our lives. This post evidently touched a responsive chord in many of you.

I am so grateful to you for reaching out.

Best wishes to you all–with deepest appreciation–
Diane

Requiem for a friend

Requiem for a friendLegendary film star Marlene Dietrich once said, “It’s the friends you can call up at 4 a.m. that matter.”

Phil was that kind of friend.

Any time of the day or night, he’d be there. He was there during life’s bleakest moments — through devastating illness, the end of my first marriage. And he shared the joy of important milestones–two weddings, the birth of my son, law school graduation, the launch of a new business. He was generous, dependable, and unfailingly kind. He was also a tough pragmatist who wasn’t afraid to give honest advice. And he was one of the funniest people I’ve ever met, a skilled storyteller whose jokes would leave me doubled over with helpless laughter, slapping my knees and gasping for breath.

Somehow, over the last few years, we got together less frequently. Work and family bring their own demands, and friendship went on hold. And his own life took a dark detour, leading him to places that those who loved him could not follow.

But almost three decades of friendship exert a powerful pull. Over the last few months I thought of him often and resolved to call him–always tomorrow, always tomorrow.

But I waited too long.

Last Friday I got the call. Three words changed everything: “Phil is dead.”

So please don’t wait until tomorrow to say, “I’m sorry”.

Or “Thanks for everything.”

Or “I love you.”

Unless you want to say those words, as I did last night, in a eulogy for a departed friend.